Orchids Paper Products (No. 70) is cleaning up in selling private-label bathroom tissue and napkins to dollar stores.

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There's the Doggy Doo golf ball, presented in its gift box nestled on a turd, and the perennially hilarious roll of 19th-hole bathroom tissue.

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Novelty bathroom tissue may not be much of a perk, but some of the other fringe benefits Armstrong and his new content chief, Arianna Huffington, have introduced of late have more appeal.

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Upstairs I pulled a tissue from the box in the bathroom and unscrewed the top of the brown bottle.

NEWYORKER: Miracle Polish