In the late 1980s, the egalitarian army retired the baggy olive-green pants and jackets and took on tailored uniforms, complete with stars, flaps and epaulets.

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The hour-plus pitch will be followed by a similarly traditional party complete with network stars and open bars.

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Laurel leafs and red stars are carved into the 34-story structure, complete with CCCP insignia and a red star resting on a spire at the top of the building.

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After he presents their defense -- they must have been innocent bystanders, since there's no such thing as guilty bystanders -- the finale slides into a laundry list, complete with flashback clips, of the abuses the gang has inflicted upon guest stars over the last nine years.

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