Mr. SEDARIS: (As Crumpet the Elf) This evening, I was sent to be a photo elf.

NPR: Crumpet the Elf Reads from Santaland Diaries

Mr. SEDARIS: (As Crumpet the Elf) The overall cutest elf is a fellow from Queens named Richie(ph).

NPR: Crumpet the Elf Reads from Santaland Diaries

Mr. SEDARIS: (As Crumpet the Elf) This afternoon, I was stuck being a photo elf for Santa Santa.

NPR: Crumpet the Elf Reads from Santaland Diaries

With the English actress Samantha Morton, hatted and crumpet-faced, her body hidden in a shapeless dress, as the mute girl who falls for Emmet.

NEWYORKER: Sweet and Lowdown

Mr. SEDARIS: (As Crumpet the Elf) This morning, I worked as an exit elf telling people in a loud voice this way out of Santaland.

NPR: Crumpet the Elf Reads from Santaland Diaries

Mr. DAVID SEDARIS (Writer): (As Crumpet the Elf) I wear green, velvet knickers, a forest green velvet smock and a perky little hat decorated with spangles.

NPR: Crumpet the Elf Reads from Santaland Diaries

Yesterday, Snowball and I worked as Santa elves and I got excited when he started saying things like, I'd follow you to Santa's house any day, Crumpet.

NPR: Crumpet the Elf Reads from Santaland Diaries

Here again is David Sedaris as Crumpet the Elf.

NPR: Crumpet the Elf Reads from Santaland Diaries

Mr Greenspan's presence seems to hover over every cabinet meeting, and he turns out to have a mole in Mr Reich's own department: a woman called Cindy, mistaken by Mr Reich for Mr Greenspan's piece of crumpet, who is feeding the Fed the weekly figures on applicants for unemployment insurance.

ECONOMIST: American politics