You get to see it, too, because John Carpenter cares about you, dammit.

CNN: Review: 'John Carpenter's Vampires' stinks worse than garlic

As foul as it is, I'd argue that the main reason kids shouldn't see "John Carpenter's Vampires" is because it might stunt their emotional development.

CNN: Review: 'John Carpenter's Vampires' stinks worse than garlic

So, "John Carpenter's Vampires" stinks, and "Paul Tatara's Review of John Carpenter's Vampires" won't be a review so much as it'll be a check list for posturing teenage boys.

CNN: Review: 'John Carpenter's Vampires' stinks worse than garlic

CNN's Brittany Brady, Chuck Johnston, Jake Carpenter and John Fricke contributed to this report.

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In 1761, a British carpenter named John Harrison built the first marine chronometer, capable of keeping time on board a rolling boat and providing ship captains with a way to determine their longitude during a voyage.

FORBES

Three of our five most expensive baseball injuries this year are pitchers: the Dodgers' Schmidt, the Braves' John Smoltz and the Cardinals' Chris Carpenter.

FORBES: Magazine Article

Paul Carpenter, who performs as Popol the Clown, will be offering the therapy at John Lawson's Circus when it visits Studley from 24 to 26 June.

BBC: Scary clown mask