Years ago, I got off my BMW K class motorcycle at my little lady's urging.

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My little lady and I have been operating in poodles, both standards and toys for over 25 years.

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Instead I had to fight against every male urge I had to resist screaming wooaaahhhhh bodddyyyyyyfooorrmmm bodyformed for youuuuuu as my lady to the little girl from the exorcist with added venom and extra 360-degree head spin.

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Yesterday I was at a pedicure studio and while the lady in charge was poking around at my feet I thought how very little I envied her for her job.

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"I want to celebrate and share 'Born This Way' with my little monsters in a special way that's never been done before, " said Lady Gaga.

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My correspondent, a lady from Leicester, wanted to know whether there were simple phones on the market that did little more than just make calls.

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