Soon, she was trying to help victims, ripping a paper towel dispenser off a bathroom wall to get enough paper to help stem the bleeding.

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Rinse the scallops under cool water, pat dry with a paper towel, and place them in a shallow bowl.

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Case in point: the beyond-tacky paper towel rolls that double as headrests, because we all know that the best way to remove pizza sauce from your muscle-shirt is with hair gel-coated towels.

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The group prescribed several "finesse" cuts like slicing a grape in half or dicing a cardboard paper towel roll into as many slivers as possible, the way a chef slices an onion.

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Anyone who has ever tried mopping up an oil spill with a single paper towel will know how difficult it is to keep unsavory news from spreading through social media sites like Facebook and Twitter.

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The phone rang, and the lady of the house plodded into the kitchen, placing the daintily held, paper-towel-wrapped turds on the counter.

NEWYORKER: Puppy