"I feel good right now the way I feel physically and conditioning wise, " Halladay said.

WSJ: Halladay allows 1 run in 2 1-3 innings vs Yankees

"I was initially very, very upset about the verdict, but now I feel I have to make something good come of it, " says Paul's widow, Musa.

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"I feel so good now I could lift all these boxes myself, " she said, smiling.

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But in some respects I now see it as a challenge - I feel I have an opportunity to show how good it's possible to be while clean.

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"Now I feel like I'm at a really good, functional point in my life, " she says.

NPR: Suicide Survivors Help To Shape Prevention Efforts

Now, some people feel, I can't be a moral and good person if I don't help in some way.

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